This comes from the feelings I've been having lately. And I know I'm not really alone. No one really is but I think that we all have that feeling that comes upon us so unexpectedly. And it hurts.

I say this because of what has been happening in my life. You name the issue and I guarantee that I have it in some way, shape, or form. Family life, self-esteem, financial, relationships or lack there of. I just feel so helpless. Like nothing will ever change for me or get better.

I mean, the reason I came to college was to start anew. I wanted to better myself and all that has happened is that I got worse. I know I have my friends to depend on but the issue is that I don't want to depend on anyone. I shouldn't have to be happy only when I hang out with my friends, I'd like to be happy all the time. I shouldn't have to feel better about myself just because my friends tell me the good things about myself, I'd like to believe that I am awesome. I shouldn't have to rely on what they think of me to make me feel better. It only makes me weak.

I want to be strong. I want to stay in school and not run back home with my tail between my legs just because everything's going wrong. I don't think I'm good enough, and never will be. I cant look to a future that shows a bright path for me here, or anywhere else. I just wonder why someone can get the motivation to think positive when only the bad surrounds them.

Isn't life supposed to get worse and then get better? Well my life has gotten worse and only gotten worse over time. And yeah, I may sound depressing, and maybe I am. But if you could see my life from childhood to now, I wonder what you would say. That there's someone worse off than you? I don't care about them, sorry to say, but I don't believe you can compare someone's suffering to others on a Richter scale. To each their own.